10 Reasons Why But I'm a Cheerleader is Everything

I came upon But I'm a Cheerleader late in the game. It was released in 1999 (when I was six, so there's that) and I didn't have the pleasure of watching it until this summer. I had just finished Orange is the New Black and, like any avid TV junkie, was searching the world wide web for scraps to satisfy my fix after marathon-ing it within a 36-hour span.

This picture serves the dual purpose of being an accurate depiction of me and reminding you that Allie Brosh's Hyperbole and a Half is now out and you should go read it.

During my frantic search, I ran into quite a few references to But I'm a Cheerleader since Natasha Lyonne, who plays Nicky Nichols in Orange is the New Black, also played Megan. The movie premise sounded promising, so I found it online and watched it in a totally legal, not at all copyright infringing way. This was probably one of my best decisions of the entire summer.

Dat squiggly WordArt tho.

Last week, I had the opportunity to watch this delightful film twice. Once because I showed it to the professor of the class I'm TA-ing for and she loved it so much she had me show it to the class, and once because I made it part of my PRIDE group's movie night to offset the tears after watching Bridegroom. I could probably watch it about 37 more times this week and not get tired of it. This movie is everything.

Here are ten reasons why in no particular order (SPOILER WARNING):

10. The Soundtrack

The soundtrack for this movie is perfect. It's gloriously quirky and 90s. What's even better about it is the fact that there's no way on earth it would work in any other context. Like, the lyrics "breathe into my hands, I'll cup them like a glass to drink from" don't even make any sense, but somehow in this movie they become romantic as hell.

The soundtrack for this movie was never commercially released. I'm guessing it's because the general public wouldn't be able to handle the magic.

 9. Mike and Rock (Mikock)

This mediocre photo edit is brought to you by Microsoft Paint.

One of them is RuPaul. The other totes around phallic objects like it's his job (which I guess it kind of is). How can they not be fabulous? Also, I came up with the ship name Mikock because I am twelve.

8. The Cocksucker

It took me a half hour to find this because apparently when you Google "cocksucker" the internet thinks you want porn.

Cocksucker is the name of the gay bar they sneak off to. I am now disappointed in all gay bars that are not named Cocksucker.

7. Larry and Lloyd
  
"Lloyd is sorry."

"Larry Bear's sorry, too."

These two are so freaking cute.

WHY CAN'T I FIND ANY PICTURES OF THEM INTERNET YOU HAVE FAILED ME.

6. Zuko is a Gay Varsity Wrestler

This guy is the voice of Zuko in Avatar: The Last Airbender. This may not mean much to those who haven't watched the show, but fans will never be able to unhear Zuko's voice in this movie. Which, really, is perfectly fine because essentially this happens:

Root: Too many showers with Fire Nation nobles after Agni Kai.

5. The True Directions House

This pastel-painted dream home is the site of most of the happenings in But I'm a Cheerleader. It's also one of the main sources of the film's commentary about binary gender roles. On a shallower note, it's also freaking hilarious. It's like an easter egg and a hospital nursery made a decorative love child.

Mary may have bought all of the pastel blue paint at Home Depot, but she certainly does not have any lesbian tendencies. Not no way, not no how.

4. The Boys Asserting Their Masculinity

The boys trying to fulfill their masculine gender roles provide some of the biggest laughs in this movie. This is made even better by the fact that RuPaul, world-famous drag queen, is the one leading them in their endeavors. Comedy gold.

Also, best use of a cut-out in the history of ever.

3. Jan Revealing Her Heterosexuality

Regrettably, this is the best picture of her I could find, so imagine that she's crying and ripping your heart out, okay?

God, this scene. It's one of the few serious moments in this movie, and it is really freaking powerful. This is the scene that I will always readily point to when people say this movie contains to many shallow stereotypes (even though part of the point of this movie is to satirize the gay community, but that's a rant for another time).

Seriously though, I think of this scene every time I project my gaydar onto someone's identity. Making assumptions about someone's sexual orientation or gender identity can be incredibly harmful. We all do it, and we need to stop.

Okay, back to the light-hearted list business.

2. "I'm a Homosexual!"

Megan's revelation of her homo-gay tendencies involves the best Natasha Lyonne faces ever, hilarious camera work, and copious amounts of drool. That's right. Drool.

1. Megan and Graham

I know I said these reasons were listed in no particular order, but there's a reason these two are number one on this list. This movie may be a satire, but at its heart, it's a love story. And it's a damn adorable love story. Look at their stupid faces.

There are about ten billion more reasons that I could list, but it's probably best to stop at ten. I'm going to cap off this list with a video of the ending of this movie, because it is beautiful and cheesy and perfect and FEELINGS.